Condom Sales Script

Hello, this is Mike Hunt calling from Condom Nation, and the question is, are you the owner?


That’s what she said.


Rebuttal #1: Cum again?!


Seriously, I am  calling because something told me you needed a condom.


Rebuttal#2: Cum again?! You need some southern hospitality!


Seriously, I am calling because something told me you needed a condom. Take it form the best in  the business, it’s time for you and your crew to get busy. Mike Hunt has a condom with your name on it.


Rebuttal #3: Cum again?! You need some southern hospitality.


Mike Hunt has a condom with your name on it. That’s me, Michael Hunt. Condom Nation.


Rebuttal #4:  Cum again?! You need to get  head on south.


It’ll say “Joe’s Garage” (business name) right on the rubber man. Are you a rubber man or WO- MAN?!


Come on, you can’t tell me you don’t want to lay out a hard customer, tell them to get fucked, and then give it to em at some point everyday? I have some, they say “Michael Hunt” with my number on it. You want one?


Rebuttal #5: Cum again?! Twat? I cunt hear you…cum on and do it again for me so I can finger it out…


I’m not hitting on you, I swear. Not that I wouldn’t. But you need a lot more condoms before we talk about that. What’s your name, by the way?


Ok, do you want lubed, unlubed, ribbed, unribbed, one rib of Adam and two for the jib, coming about, youre too twisted, take my jit seed and shove it, savory wedding night tips, thrust alone from the hips, if you do that I will lose my shit, you have a nice ass and at least one tit, Hoover Dam Resevoir tipped, versions for the smaller dick, different colors, sperm killer and pesticidal lubricant for the crabby bitches, or cum at me again, easy on, easy off, all keepin that bun from the oven and HOLY SHIT, if you don’t know what size, we’ve got a chart for their dicks to measure.


So, whatt’ya say?!your business go


If you buy it today, your kids will love ya!


Rebuttal #6: Cum again?! Condoms didn’t kill Kenny!


I know I cover the whole DICK thing adequately, but that’s no reason for you to lose out! That is just great advertising, don’t you think?!


So the business address, and we are off like a prom dress! Like Mary Poppins on Dick Butkiss!


Rebuttal #7:  Cum again?! We even got something for goin south with your mouth!


How old are your customers anyway?! Can they still get wet do ya think?! Do we need lubed? I hope I’m not coming at you greasy. Just trying to get you a good deal. What’s your call?!


Rebuttal #8: Cum again?! We do a lot of good business. You need to do your business good, and get in bed with us. Now! I want you in  bed with me NOW! Let’s DO IT!


Want to know who is covering their customers weewees? People like Peter Schwartz, Dick Footlong, Richard Heavenly, I will even tell you Stewart Pidasso! Yeah, Stu Pidasso’s a good man. And of course, yours truly, Mike Hunt.


Is this a good time for you? Want to meet about it later? I will give you a demo! So what time do you want that demo at?!


My ass you don’t. Sorry about that. I’m not gonna be backward, I think you just need to get in bed now. It’s gonna be a long morning. When can we do this thing?! How about right now?! It’s not hard, it’s fast and easy! It is the ultimate sausage party insurance! You need to do it!


My ass you don’t need it. My ass, you don’t want it. My ass it isn’t your gift horse…right in the crotch, right in the crotch! Sorry about that. I am not gonna be backward, I think you just need get in bed now. It’s gonna be a long morning. How about we start you up right now? Start you up, for free with ten condoms, right now!


Alright, listen you’ve been great because my boss just fired me up! I need to get it up with you! Next time we will! Same place, same time… tomorrow. Don’t get fucked. On second thought, “Get FUCKED! Condom Nation. GET FUCKED! Condom Nation! Get FUCKED! Condom Nation! Get FUCKED…”